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Another Belated Tuesday Reviewsday: Noxema Bikini Shavers

October 8, 2008

I know. I suck. It’s really busy here, and that’s a good thing, because we need the money, but at the same time I want to sit around and eat Cinnabons and paint my nails and write stuff here. Why is it that the second I start doing something for money is the second I stop liking it so much? Stupid miswired brain.

So, I am sure that nearly everyone reading this has, at some point, worried about their crotch grooming. Personally, if I just let mine grow out, I feel kind of like a rainforest DOWN THERE, which nobody wants. Also it looks kind of stupid. That said, I rarely shave it all off, solely because the growing back in part? Yeah, that’s not fun. HOWEVER. That doesn’t mean I don’t need a bikini razor. I do not feel the need to describe in detail the horrible things that can happen when a razor meets your private parts. I wince just thinking about it, and that’s enough. So I am here to save you from ever having that happen.

About… God, it’s four years ago now. Anyway, my BFF found these gems at Wal*Mart (I KNOW OK) and because these are the kinds of things you tell other people about and then revel in alternate embarrassment and the knowledge that you are so cool and open-minded and confident and free, she told me that they were awesome. So I bought some. Behold, the Noxema bikini shaver:

You can’t see it terribly clearly in this photo, but here are the good things about these:

1. They’re small, and curved in a convenient way, and therefore nicely maneuverable in those hard-to-reach places.

2. The front part of each razor is a little comb. This means that if perhaps  you have neglected things a bit too long and gotten beyond the point of just stubble, the razor will line everything up neatly and save you at least some skin irritation from trying to shave a bunch of unruly hair that’s doing whatever the fuck it wants. This feature? Awesome. Seriously. Also, it keeps the actual blades from being the first thing to hit, so if you feel you’re going down the wrong path, so to speak, you have time to correct before you start bleeding like a stuck pig.

3. And even if you fuck that up because you’re in a hurry because the cheap cover ends in an hour and you need to get OUT THE DOOR NOW, it’s OK! The blades are wire-wrapped! So really it’s next to goddamn impossible to CUT YOURSELF with them. They are only good for cutting hair! And any unfortunate skin that manages to be skinny enough to get through the comb AND the razor, but I have never had this happen, and I seriously am one of those people who opens a gash in her leg every time she shaves.

Sadly, they are still razors, thus you will still feel everything growing back in and tear frantically at your crotch until such time as the bush is long enough to shave again, but hey: It’s a really SAFE razor. Shaving not your thing? APPARENTLY there is a “Va J-J Visor” to hide your bits from the people at the waxing salon. That thing freaks me out, though, seriously. I mean, what the hell?

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. sheryls permalink
    October 8, 2008 4:39 pm

    the waxer at the salon is pretty careful about not exposing your bits. at least, mine was. i’d totally do it again, except it requires me to grow it out for TWO WEEKS and i cant STAND it. i did it before i went to a lake over a 3 day weekend (so i didnt have stubblies after day freaking 1 because i’m a coarsed haired polish girl who has 5 o’clock shadow like your Great Uncle Greg) and i LOVED it.

    i’d love to give these a try, though, since i’m just using my venus embrace at the moment. it’s grand and all, but burns like a mofo if i wanna do it more than every 3-4 days. i get razorburn either way, and pray to god that no one thinks i have the herps.

  2. Angela Messenger permalink
    October 10, 2008 7:03 pm

    I have used the Va j-j Visor!! It is fabulous. I get brazilian waxed now but I used to shave. You can use it for shaving as well. You can get a way close shave and feel safer. I just keep my Vaj-j visor in the shower – you need to get one!!

  3. Christie permalink
    October 13, 2008 11:08 am

    i get razor burn like hell no matter what shaving device i use EVERY TIME. i mean… not down there. i usually do fine shaving down there, though i DID nick a bit once and thought that i would die.

    my legs are terrible though. i seriously just want to let it grow. it’s gettin’ there. ❤ pant weather. srsly.

  4. October 13, 2008 11:13 am

    Yeah, if I shave my legs they get horrible razor burn and ingrown hairs and shit. I want that no! no! thingy. I saw it on QVC! It looks amazing.

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