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Lingerie Wednesday: Elila Bras from Figleaves

September 10, 2008

(In case you can’t tell, I’m just making up BS names for the days of the week; I may actually follow the categories to give some structure to the blog. WHEE.)

So for the past… I don’t know, when did I get boobs? A long time ago. Anyway, since I acquired these chest appendages, I don’t think I’ve ever had a bra that actually fit. In high school, once I had my own money, I went to Victoria’s Secret a lot and bought 36Cs and always with the pushup bras. I think I was running around all quadribooblegic* all the time, probably, because when I look at pictures from that time, no way did those bras fit. At that point, VS didn’t CARRY bras bigger than a C cup (once I asked a salesgirl and she said “WHY WOULD YOU WANT A PUSHUP BRA OMG YOUR TITS ARE TOO BIG ALREADY” and that kind of ended my shopping there).

Blah, blah, fast forward to now-ish. My correct size is a 44F/G. This size is, as they say, Not Available in Stores. I’ve been promising myself for ages that I would buy myself some bras that fit instead of going to Kohl’s and getting another Just My Size that is in fact Not My Size, but I kept putting it off, figuring it was too expensive and/or I wasn’t worth it or some similar depressive shit. This past Saturday apparently the bra synapse in my brain had its strap snapped, because I was like FINE I will GO to Figleaves and ORDER SOME OK? I’d heard good things about the shop, and they certainly aren’t hurting for selection in the land of larger sizes, and also? Sale prices!

I wanted bras without underwires (because they ALWAYS come out and stab me and I hate them) that still looked good under clothes and also not under clothes. I am not even a mother yet, let alone a grandma, and I have no desire to wear a bra that says otherwise. Alas, the lingerie companies really do seem to believe that if your natural breasts are of a size that some porn starlet would create via implants, you do not deserve sexy unders. This confuses me, but whatever. So I poked around the sale section (note: Figleaves has fanfuckingtastic site organization — you can easily shop by size, color, style, etc. without having to make undue use of the Back button, and omg you can apply MULTIPLE filters at ONCE this interwebs thing is NUTS) and found a few I liked.

I ended up ordering two bras from Elila, both of which are now tragically sold out, which makes this review maybe a little less useful than it could be. But hey, given the choice between a $10 pretty bra and a $50 pretty bra, I’m going to take that one for $10 every time.** In case they become available again, they were… uh… something with microfiber and embroidery. I got one black and one nuuuuuude (tres artistique), hit order, and held my breath.

The FedEx man arrived today (not bad — 3 business days) with my bras in a delightfully small box. As someone whose bras really do fit the “over the shoulder boulder holder” moniker, I was pleased with this itty bitty shipping container. When I opened it, the bras were packed in with some tissue paper sealed with a sticker, which was also lovely. And the actual bras… well, “delicate” is not a word I would use, but they looked well-made and reasonably attractive.

I immediately tried them on and OH MY HOLY SHIT THEY FIT! Sure, there are four rows of hooks, but… somehow the bra is comfortable. And? My boobs? They look… perky. Listen, if you can make an F/G cup look PERKY you deserve some kind of medal. They’re not too 50s rocket-boob, which I was slightly afraid of (I like retro, but that’ll poke your eye out), and they provide great support, especially considering there’s no wire in there anywhere.

I am pleased, pleased, pleased as punch, seriously. If your bras do not fit please go obtain one that does and tell me it doesn’t make you feel instantly better. Then fold them carefully and tuck them into your special Lady Things Drawer, with a sachet of lavender, and gaze upon your foundation garments lovingly each morning and feel all genteel or whatever. (Maybe someday I will have a respectable Lady Things Drawer and be able to provide recommendations for how many of each thing you ought to keep in there, but now it is mostly filled with Hanes Her Way Comfortsoft Waistband unders in whatever horrible neon pink print was available in a size 9 when I bought them, so you cannot see it yet.)

If you will excuse me I must now flit around the house with a feather duster and revel in my newly light-as-air booberificness.

* No insensitivity is intended, here; it’s just what we called it in high school, and the term now refuses to leave my mind.

** Barring certain circumstances, which anyway is another essay and we won’t get into now.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. gbutterflykissesm permalink
    September 10, 2008 1:55 pm

    wow, I have to check it out… I just read or heard somewhere that once you get married and your sex life goes downhill, you end up with a drawer full of nude bras and I was like – what? Men don’t like those? Crap – because that would be ME. So I’m going to check it out right now. I need cute bras.

  2. Christie permalink
    September 11, 2008 9:44 pm

    “quadribooblegic”

    aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhaaaaaaaaaaahhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.

    ā¤ carrots

    p.s. OMG i feel like my 36Ds can’t ever be perky – i’m totally going to check this place out. and also… VS frakking sucks my tits. their bras are fugly and don’t fit…… okay, they’re fugly BECAUSE they don’t fit.

  3. Dawn permalink
    September 11, 2008 10:51 pm

    I’ve always had VS bras fall apart on me.

    Sadly, THE most comfortable and most flattering bra I own is endorsed by La Leche League. Yup. It’s a nursing bra. But who cares? When I’m done nursing, if I’m still the same size, I’ll keep wearing it and just dub it “easy access.” šŸ˜€

    It’s really cute, too, pink and sporty (not lacy). I have two others, one with lace and one that’s strapless but I’ve resisted the urge to wear them until I’m actually nursing.

    The great question of the universe? Why can’t they make regular women’s clothes as comfy as maternity clothes??? Those soft elastic waistbands make me want to stay pregnant forever!

  4. September 12, 2008 12:23 am

    Dawn, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anyone say they wanted to stay pregnant forever! I’ve actually looked at nursing bras, because they tend to come in large sizes, but they didn’t happen to be on sale when I placed my order. Plus, since we’re trying, it seems like tempting fate somehow to order maternity/nursing stuff.

    carrot_flowers, yeah… if my 44 whatever GINORMOUS SIZE boobs can be perky, yours certainly can too! It’s a bizarre feeling, let me tell you. Until now I thought the heaving bosom cleavage look was my only option for looking good.

    gbutt, see, I had a ton of pretty bras but they didn’t FIT. I still like delicate little details but have come to accept that delicate little details do not a supportive large-size bra make. So I’ll have to, you know, keep a separate collection of Lingerie That Isn’t Intended to Make It Out the Door Ever.

  5. September 13, 2008 11:04 pm

    I’ve always had issues buying bras that fit. I’m a G cup too. *sighs sadly* As much as men drool at the idea the fact is, they aren’t perky. I find myself tucking my boobs into my bras rather than having them fit.

    Of course, when I bought bras that fit ($50 AUD each, OUCH!!!) it felt great. It’s amazing how sexy and beautiful I felt just because I’d found a supportive bra. Like you, I HATE underwire.

    I can’t shop locally and have to order online to get bras that fit, especially without underwire. But it’s so hard to find sexy, beautiful, larger-lady lingerie. Thanks so much for the link to figleaves.com!

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